Misconception of Virginity

1. Waiting is ALWAYS worth it, but not for the reasons we think: We often tell young men and women that they need to wait until marriage to enjoy sex, but fail to tell them why, or make them think that virginity is the one and only key to a fulfilling sex life come wedding night. But none of those things are the REASONS we wait. We don’t wait so that we can we can have an evening of ecstasy on our honeymoon night (because trust me…that’s RARELY the case) .

We wait because through the process of waiting our relationship is built, our trust is strengthened, and our commitment to one another is tried, tested, and refined. We wait because through the process of waiting, we learn discipline, self-control, reverence for the sacred. We wait because it’s an act of worship and obedience, to a God who knows exactly how we’re wired, what we need, and what is best for our lives. Our waiting is an act of trusting….and trusting God always leads to greater things (INCLUDING greater sex along the way!)

2. Sex is a Process: They say good sex starts in the kitchen- and it does. What’s meant by that is that it’s in the every-day interactions with one another that our sex lives begin to grow, to form, and to take shape. Through marriage you learn that sex isn’t this one-time action in the moment like the Hollywood movies tend to portray. Real-life sex in it’s intended form is a process. It’s a process of learning selflessness, trust, communication, and a whole lot of grace. It’s a process of learning to be vulnerable, asking for what we need and trusting our spouse to meet us where we’re at. It’s a process of becoming a better person as much as it is about becoming a better lover. The framework of marriage is the one way that we get to watch this process unfold in the most meaningful way – the process of becoming healthy, becoming whole, and becoming one. There’s a lot to learn about having a healthy sex-life. It’s a life-long process of learning along the way, not something that you can figure all out on your wedding night.

3. Practice makes Perfect: Just like anything significant in life, good sex takes time, energy, and practice to get better. I hear from older couples who are investing in their relationship and thriving in their marriage that their sex life always follows suit- getting healthier, happier, and more exciting along the way! I recently met a couple in their 60s who said their sex life is the best it’s ever been! The honeymoon was simply the start: the beginning of the life-long journey. It’s important for us to have healthy expectations of this thing called sex long before we enter a marriage relationship.

For those of you who are still single, and waiting, continue trusting God with your heart, your desires, and your needs – He will always come through. Your wait will never be in vain. 

For those of you who are married, remember that sex is a process- one that must be talked about, learned about, and practiced…one that comes with it’s ups and downs, yet can always lead to greater intimacy along the way. If you find yourself struggling, don’t be ashamed or afraid to seek the help of a professional counselor or pastor to help you along the way, that’s our job!

Sex is holistic, because it involves the health of our bodies- but also the health of our hearts, minds, and souls. No matter who you are or what your relationship status, may God guide you into the healing of every one of these parts….starting today.

God loves you so much and the Holy Spirit is so committed to you. There is still HOPE for you in Christ Jesus! 

You are great!

Shalom!